I'm Letting Go

I have been thinking a lot about my goals. Sometimes I think that they are attainable, and most of the time I think not.

Yesterday my oldest had preschool orientation. I dropped my youngest off, went to school, picked up a celebration lunch in honor of the newest preschoolers (my son and nephew), went back to my youngest, had the lunch, let the kids play and then head home. I was hoping (dare I say praying) that my kids would nap. I should've known better. Before I knew it dinner was upon us, the evening activities and then bedtime.

No goals were met, no progress made.

By this morning the discouragment had gotten to me. Now, don't get me wrong, it isn't like I have 300 goals that I'm crossing one off each day. I just hope to make a step in the right direction each day. Yesterday had no direction.

My mind was in 100 different places. Not only were my goals running in my head, but thoughts about my son and his new beginning as well. I have feared for the last year (and really since he was born) that we weren't teaching him enough, or not the right things, or sheltering him too much from the big, bad world. I worry about him making friends, having fun, getting picked on, embarrassing himself...the list could go on. We headed into school and made through a "practice day". Being there just made me think of more questions, more concerns and more worries. My Mess just got worse.

The whole day ended. I had gotten what seemed like nothing accomplished, added new thoughts to my jumbled mess and realized that getting anything accomplished this year could be impossible.

"Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?"
Matthew 6:27

This morning on my way to work I was listening to my new Francesca Battistelli CD. The song "I'm Letting Go" came on. As I thought through yesterday, this morning and all that is in my head, I started listening to the words. I have heard this song numerous times, but I had not really listened. God was speaking to me this morning, there is no denying it.

I constantly feel like I'm drowning and there is no getting to the top. I'm holding so tightly to my own selfish ambitions that sometimes I can hardly breathe. I am clinging to my own thoughts, decisions, and goals...which are suffocating.

I said in my first post that the focus needed to be in the right place for the mess to be beautiful. Hearing this song reminded me, yet again, that my focus has not been in the right place.

I'm letting go.


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As I wrote this post the radio was on...this song came on in the middle of typing. The odds of this happening: 100% in God's favor!