Mother of the Year

This morning I did not win any awards.

By the time we were in the car to go to preschool my son and I had each cried two times - for separate reasons, so four episodes if you're counting.

As we walked up the path towards school I realized that I had forgotten to pack shoes for my son. I then attempted to stop my failure tears before my son noticed and started his own.

In an effort to protect him from embarrassment, I told him that I would quickly get him shoes and bring them back to school.

As I drove towards the store I was quickly trying to make decisions,
--should I go to store A or store B?
--should I buy more than one size? What if the ones I buy are to big/small?
--should I try to fly home instead (we live 15 mins, one way, from school)?
--why am I spending non-budgeted money on shoes when he has 4 other pairs at home?

So, for my stupidity in forgetting the shoes, in an effort to protect my son from potential humiliation, and to attempt to do what seemed best, I drove to store A, bought one pair of shoes and ran back to school.

"These shoes are awesome Mom!"

Oh hallelujah! Crisis averted. Hug child, apologize for screwing up and send him back to class.

"MOOOMM! These are too big, they're too loose" Start tears...by both of us.

After trying to explain that he would just have to wear them for the next two hours and then he could take them off, there wasn't much more I could do. I sent him to his classroom and walked away.

I made it to the car before I broke down.

I know...they are just shoes, this is really not a big deal. But this was just the outlet for the tears and failure that had been building.

In an attempt to get life back to normal after the holidays I have put my house, cleaning, personal goals and agenda before my kids. It has been reflected in my attitude, my words and my actions (or lack their of) with my children.

I have been letting them down, and today was the breaking point.

I could go on, but I'm not really sure where I'm going from here. I know where I need to be, but struggle in getting there.

Tomorrow is a new day, and for now, I will start with that.

The Holidays...

My plan for the holidays...did not go as planned. My decorating with minimal, my baking was limited and holiday spirit was somewhat lack-luster. Let's just say that I'm already making a new plan for next year, and hoping that with a year of plotting it will be a bit better.

Now it wasn't that everything was awful, just not what I really wanted it to be. Too high of expections - perhaps. Actually that is exactly what happened. I'm trying not to do that sort of thing, but that is a hard habit to break.

Regardless of the outcome, there were a few peaks in the journey:

My Cranberry-Pear Pie

(it had a crumble topping - and I loved it. I was branching out with the cranberries, but since it is a holiday food I thought it was a great time to try. I am saving this recipe to make again!)

My Chocolate Pie

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Christmas Treat for my son's Preschool Party

I was very excited about how these turned out.

Super cute and fairly easy to make.

As the season progressed I was inspired by some new books and blogs. So I've started my list for next year and am trying not to raise my expectations already!

It Didn't Happen Overnight

I recently read a posting on a blog that I visit occasionally. It is a money saving blog with other life tips/posts thrown in. In an attempt to start couponing and building a more appropriate grocery budget I wandered back to see what I could learn. Upon review of a few older posts I came across one that hit close to home, and had nothing to do with my groceries.

Your house didn't get the way it is in one day, so you aren't going to fix it in one day either.

When I was younger I had one room to care for. I rearranged my bedroom every month. I cleaned out my closet regularly. I organized my drawers meticulously. Then I moved to college. I had a slightly larger room to care for and a roommate. We did a great job creating a liveable, inviting dorm room. Then I got married.

I spent the first week of married life trying to put our house together, or away depending on how you look at it. I don't know that I've ever gotten it right. During my first pregnancy I figured the nesting would kick in and my house would get organized...I later changed my deadline to due date of baby #2. There was no nesting during that pregnancy, and my house is still the same as it was.

It isn't that my house is dirty, our socks do not turn brown walking around the house, and it isn't really messy, per say...it's just an unorganized clutter, to put it nicely.

I am constantly re-organizing the same areas, and not making any progress. I try to feel better by saying "If I had a whole day that I could re-work things around here I'd be all set."

First of all, I don't think I'll ever get a whole day to do something this impossible. And secondly...I read that post and things became a little more clear. I know that baby steps are the way to go, but when I have to keep cleaning up the same room, or spot, every time I clean I don't feel like I'm getting anywhere.

MY house didn't get the way it is in one day, so I am not going to be able to fix it in one day either.

So...where to begin...?

This is one of my biggest challenges that I want as a goal. This is the goal that will need lots of steps to accomplish.

Last night I put away all of my loose recipes that I have riped out of magazines or collected along the way.

One task down, 999,998 more to go.

A Pretty Good Meal

I have two weeks out of the month when I work three days (normally only 2). These are my least favorite weeks because things get out of control during that time. The papers and dishes pile up, the meal planning suffers, the budget is thrown out the window due to take out and I get stressed.

I decided on Sunday that this week would be different. I thought about what is the biggest stress of the week and realized that it was food. If I don't make dinner we get take out. There usually aren't leftovers for lunch so we go out to lunch and ruin the budget twice in 24 hours. So rather than continue this cycle I made a plan for meals.

Tonight I worked, but put a roast in the crock pot. A nice warm, meat and potatoes meal with leftovers. My husband said "It was pretty good."

Really, after all we been through with this, that is the comment.

I said "Really, you couldn't come up with anything else?!"

I'm thinking of bagging the rest of the week and making him the new cook.

My Pretty Good-Fantastic Curtains

I decided this year to make a few new sets of curtains for my kitchen. I want to be able to change them with the seasons, or just whenever the mood strikes. Yesterday I made some fall-ish curtains.

I brought the fabric home on Saturday and my husband said "those will look nice". I was shocked. This was not what I expected him to say at all. I really didn't think he would say much more than "Oh".

So I worked diligently on them yesterday to get them done in a day. As bright as my kitchen was with no curtains, I didn't need my neighbors seeing too much of us. I completed half of them in the afternoon and the others after 10 pm last night. They are great - if I do say so myself.

And apparently I'm the only one who thinks that. My husband looked at them and said "They look pretty good."

Pretty good.

I think that this is an oximoron of sorts. Pretty - a nice word. Good - what you strive for in elementary school on your report card. However, when you put them together they become something else.

Pretty good.

Pretty, as in almost, or close to good...but not quite good. I'm not even sure how to say what I think, or rather how I feel, when I hear this.

It's like saying:
"Close, but not quite."

"Not fabulous, just pretty good."

How did two positive words turn so negative?

My husband disagrees with all of this. He doesn't understand where I'm coming from. I think that he should have just stuck with the "Nice" comment.


My son listened to this whole exchange while finishing his dinner. When just he and I were left in the kitchen he got down from his chair, came over to me in the kitchen and said "Mom, I think that your curtains are just fantastic!" I even got a hug.

Perhaps there is hope for future generations...because the current one is a lost cause.

Revenge of the Sippies

Our sippy cups are multiplying like rabbits, or so it seems.

We do have an abundance of sippy cups here, and they have a mind of their own. Somedays they are like the rabbits. Other days they are like socks in the dryer, I wash them and all of the sudden I have more cups than lids. The one thing that happens every day though, is that almost all of them get used.

I have tried to teach my kids to bring them to the kitchen when they are done, but that only happens 60% of the time. I find them under pillows on the couch, in their rooms and anywhere else you can imagine. The best find is when they had chocolate milk in them!

Every night I have to wash and dry almost all of them. As I do this I think of plans to get rid of them, to have my kids drinking out of regular cups, or to stop buying more. Once they are put away in the cupboard I try to forget all about them.

Their revenge: as soon as the dish water is drained, another dirty one appears.

The Meal Scramble

So, I attempted to meal plan this week. I set the menu Sunday night, then Monday morning it changed.

It's only Wednesday and the plan has changed 4 times.

I will admit that most of the meals stayed on the plan, they just got moved. So, I guess in the broad scheme it did help, but it doesn't feel very productive when the list on the fridge in no way resembles what comes to the table each night.

Last night I served Saucy Pork Chops...

...they just happened to look exactly like Chicken Cordon Bleu.

hmmm.....

At least it's a start, a step in the right direction.